Self-compassion break

Hand on Heart

Self-compassion break

This short practice trains us to bring mindfulness, common humanity and self-kindness to our suffering.

If we’re currently experiencing emotional discomfort or suffering, we can work with this.

Otherwise, we’re invited to think of a situation in our lives that is difficult, that is causing us stress. Calling the situation to mind, and seeing if we can actually feel the stress and emotional discomfort in our body.

Now, saying to ourselves:

1. “This is a moment of suffering…”

This is mindfulness, acknowledging what is happening.

Other options include:

“This hurts.”
“Ouch!”
“I’m feeling stressed.”

2. “Suffering is a part of life…”

This is common humanity. We all suffer from time to time.

Other options include:

“Other people feel this way too.”
“I’m not alone.”
“We all struggle in our lives.”

Now, placing our hand over our heart, feeling the warmth of our hand and the gentle, touch of our hand on our chest. Or adopting a different soothing touch; perhaps a reassuring rub on the arm, the tummy, folding the hands…

Saying to ourselves:

3. “May I be kind to myself…”

We can also ask ourselves, “What do I need to hear right now, to express kindness to myself?” Is there a phrase that speaks to us in our particular situation, such as:

“May I give myself the compassion that I need.”
“May I learn to accept myself as I am.”
“May I forgive myself.”
“May I be strong.”
“May I be patient.”

This practice can be used any time of day or night, to help us remember to evoke the three aspects of self-compassion when we need them the most.

“Self-compassion really means
being on your own side.”

…any questions? Problems? Feel free to get in touch.

Listen to an audio of the Self-Compassion Break.

If you’re interested in the theory of how this works, see the three components of self-compassion (coming soon).

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Content gratefully adapted from the Mindful Self-Compassion Teacher Training Course. Lyndi is a graduate of this course, based on the work of Kristin Neff and Chris Germer. Find out more or register for an MSC course in Brisbane.

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Self-care break

We all need to stop from time to time and recharge our batteries. Here’s a practical, 3-min self-care exercise that can decrease stress and increases self-awareness, self-compassion and resilience.

This practice uses the acronym S.N.A.C.K.

S is for Stop and self-care. Permission to stop. We can lift our eyes from our screens, perhaps looking at something soothing like the view out of a window, a plant or a family photo. In this phase, we can investigate a soothing touch… placing a hand on the heart or belly, rubbing the arm, hugging ourselves – whatever feels reassuring.

Once we’ve found our soothing touch, we can appreciate this for a moment. Taking in the warmth from that contact or the comforting sensations from the reassuring rub.

Now we can begin taking soothing breaths. Long, easy breaths… exhaling fully on the out-breath… encouraging a sense of letting go. Tuning into the nourishing quality of the in-breath, the way the body naturally energises itself with oxygen.

N is for Notice. Noticing physical sensations… for example, tuning into the feeling of the earth supporting our feet and legs. Or the seat supporting our weight. Noticing emotions… how are we feeling? A bit anxious, irritated? Bored? Where do we feel this in the body? And noticing thoughts. I’m noticing a thought as I type of, “I hope I’m expressing this practice well!”

A is for Acceptance. As best we can, accepting whatever we feel. We can express this silently to ourselves with a phrase like, “It’s okay to feel this.” Choosing words that fit for us. Even if we’re feeling resistance towards a certain feeling, seeing if we can accept the resistance.

C is for Common humanity. We all feel this way at times. It can be a real relief to remember we’re not alone. Expressing this silently to ourselves, with a phrase like, “Everyone feels like this from time to time,” or whatever words feel right.

K is for Kindness. No matter what life throws at us, no matter how many mistakes we make, we can benefit from treating ourselves with kindness. Perhaps reminding ourselves with a phrase like, “May I be kind to myself in this moment.”

Finally, resting in this sense of kindness, or our soothing touch. Taking a few soothing breaths to complete.

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Many people find that this short practice, which can take just 90 seconds, helps them to pause the accumulation of stress and generate a sense of warmth, acceptance positivity and friendliness that is very motivating.

Just now, as I did this, I experienced a familiar feeling of anxiety and thoughts like, “I’ve got so much to do today! Should I really be blogging?” The practice helped me normalise this and not take it so seriously. Now I have a smile on my face, and though my workload hasn’t decreased, I feel good about continuing and the anxious feeling has subsided somewhat.

Taking a break like this might highlight further needs, like physical or social needs. Maybe we notice we’re feeling stiff and need to stretch, maybe drink some water, or that we feel like talking to someone.

It can be beneficial to drop any expectation that this practice will definitely ‘make us feel good’. It might be that the practice allows us to tune into unpleasant emotions that weren’t so obvious before. Here, we can lean into the acceptance, common humanity and kindness phases. The point isn’t to make us feel good. The point is to get in touch with what is real, acknowledge it and be friendly and kind to ourselves with whatever we’re experiencing.

You can find a guided audio for this practice on the meditation app Aura Health.

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Recently, Lulu Cook and I led this practice for Mind With Heart with hundreds of attendees at conferences with amazing mental health charities Standby and Roses In The Ocean, to help support everyone’s self-care on the day.

If you’re regularly noticing unpleasant emotions and feeling a bit stuck, you might want to get more help with this. Lifeline and Beyond Blue operate helplines in Australia 24/7. If you’re in another country, The Samaritans are an international charity offering emotional support to anyone in crisis.